


10 Things I Hate About You

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of things Kame hates about Jin. But mostly he hates himself, for not being able to hate him. <em>Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	10 Things I Hate About You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Been working on this for quite some time, and also had it finished for quite a while already, just kinda forgot to post it XD Gomen ne. So, enjoy :)  
> PS: Oh, yeah, almost forgot to mention. I altered the lines from the original poem a little to fit the story. They’re still the same, just in a different order. For everyone who wonders :)

_I hate the way you drive my car_

My stomach churned as Jin took on the curve towards our agency parking lot too fast. I groaned, keeping my mouth shut as he smirked, obviously enjoying himself.

“Have I ever mentioned that I love your new car?” he asked brightly.

“Yes” I murmured, rolling my eyes. “A dozen times. Besides, you don’t need to say it. I notice it in the way you almost drive us to death on our way to work.”

Jin pursed his lip at my comment, his dark waves falling into his eyes. I turned my eyes away from him, not allowing myself to fully articulated think that he looked gorgeous.

_And the way you cut your hair_

He slowed down as he parked the car. I held out my hand as he cut the engine.

“Keys. Now.”

“Spoilsport” Jin pouted, handing them to me. Without looking at him, I turned away, opening the passenger door, getting out of the car. Jin followed, just managing to jump out before I locked him in it.

“Wait!” he called, hurrying after me as I waltzed ahead, not waiting for him. “Man, you’ve been in a bad mood all morning!” he murmured. “What’s wrong? Did you get that little sleep? Did I tire you out?” His voice got smug towards the end, ticking me off even more.

My eyes narrowed down to a glare, but I did not meet his mischievous expression. Instead, I only murmured: “Jerk.”

“What a snappy comment” he chuckled. “Seriously, do you have your period?!”

_I hate the way you talk to me_

I ignored him, trying not to pay him any more attention. If he didn’t know himself what was wrong, he did not deserve my explanation. I mean, what did he think I was? Stupid?

Jin gave up on talking to me after that, instead walking next to me in silence until we reached the dressing room. I guess he was relieved to have other people to bother, someone who was not staring him down with murderous glares, so he sat down on the couch next to Nakamaru and Ueda, chatting away happily.

I just murmured a short “Morning” into the round before grabbing my things, searching myself a cabin to change into my training clothes. I was glad to have some minutes for myself. It was hard, with Jin being around all morning in my flat. I just wished I had not let him stay last night. On the other hand, if I hadn’t, when would I have found out?

When I returned to the others after a while, taking my time, everyone had arrived. I was glad to have an excuse to think about other things; things that did not concern Jin. Work was always a welcome distraction. At least that was what I wanted it to be.

It turned out differently, though. The dance rehearsal was quite consuming, indeed, but I could hardly concentrate on it.

I felt Jin’s eyes on me all the time. It was nothing unusual, even – he was always a candidate for forgetting his steps, and mostly, he oriented himself on me.

Today, I could not stand it, though. It had me unsettled, to feel the holes his eyes burned into my skin.

_I hate it when you stare_

The punishment for my lack of concentration followed right away – one wrong step, and I stumbled over my own feet. Which would have not been that tragic, really, if there hadn’t been the music station in my way, which I ran into head first. Knocking it over. Hitting my forehead on the corner of a box.

The music stopped, and I heard some gasps, and some choked laughter. I could hardly blame them. It must have seemed hilarious. Maybe I’d have laughed myself, if I hadn’t felt that knocked out this very moment.

“Kame” I heard Jin call, suppressing his chuckles. “Are you alright?”

I wasn’t. The others figured that out, too, when I did neither answer nor move, and after a moment of silence, I heard frantic calls of my name, and then people were around me, hands on my shoulders, shaking me.

“He’s bleeding” Someone pointed out – Koki, I realized a second later.

“Kame!” Ueda said gently, shaking me again. “Kame, can you hear me?”

“Don’t shake him like this!” I heard Jin hiss, his voice a little thin, and I felt his gentle, soothing touch on my elbow. It made my stomach churn uncomfortably. “He may be seriously hurt. Maybe we should bring him to the hospital and have him-“

“No” I managed to groan finally, opening my eyes to glare at him.

“No?” Jin asked in confusion, looking at me.

“No hospital” I murmured, shrugging his hand from my arm, sitting up. Everything was spinning around me. I tried not to let it show, but my face seemed to become very pale, because Taguchi asked in a strangled voice: “Are you going to throw up?”

Jin glared at him, because I was obviously in no position to do so, and I would have appreciated it. Only not today.

“What?!” Taguchi murmured defensively. “He looks like it!”

“I’m not” I brought finally out, not quite sure if my statement was true, indeed. My stomach felt more than a little unsteady.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to go to the hospital?” Nakamaru asked quietly, handing me a tissue to wipe away the blood running down the side of my face.

“Yes” I murmured, moving to stand up. Not a good idea, as it turned out – I saw black the moment I was halfway up from the floor, and Jin had to catch me, steadying me.

“Stubborn idiot” he cursed. “You won’t admit that you’re hurt until you drop dead, right?!”

“You’d better lay down for a few minutes, Kamenashi-San!” Our choreographer decided, interrupting our banter. “We’ll decide what to do after a break.”

I nodded, regretting it the moment the pain shot through my brain again, going straight into my stomach, making me feel like I needed to throw up for real, this time. I didn’t, though; instead entangling myself from Jin’s grip as he tried to steady me on my way to the bench, walking there myself.

_I hate your big dumb combat boots_

Clock. Clock. Clock. Jin’s steps were loud in my ears when he moved over to me, about ten minutes later. The pain killers Nakamaru had given me had started to kick in a little, but they did not help the way the noise Jin made as he approached me droned like a set of drums. I stayed quiet, though, keeping my eyes firmly closed.

“Kame?” he asked softly, apparently trying to be gentle. The anger boiling up in my stomach was a huge contrast to the soft touch of his fingers as they stroked over my cheek. “Are you asleep?”

“I want to see you sleeping when someone’s hammering nails in your brain” I snapped, my voice as sharp as the pain in my head.

Jin sighed, ignoring my comment.

“Well, I talked to the choreographer, and I’m going to take you home now. If you don’t break down during the rehearsal, you’re gonna kill someone, and that would kind of ruin the PV we are preparing for right now.”

I bit my lip, holding back my comment.

_and the way you read my mind_

“Come on” Jin murmured, and his hand was on my shoulder, helping me sit up. My stomach churned again, and Jin looked at my pale face worriedly. “Do you need to go to the washroom?” he asked discretely.

“No” I got out, feeling even worse from the way he tried to take care of me. The way it was fake, but didn’t seem like it at all. I wished he would just leave me alone.

_I hate you so much it makes me sick_  
 _it even makes me rhyme_

Jin somehow managed to get me into the car without me throwing up all over him (which I seriously considered, for a moment), and I snapped at him to just get going and drive me home when he tried to do the seatbelt for me.

It was infuriating, how he ignored my blows against him. As if it was normal that I became cranky when I was hurt, and there was nothing more to it; like it would go away again when I felt better. And under normal circumstances, it would. Only not today.

If Jin had been a girl, he’d probably have been in tears already, shouting at me that he just wanted to help me. Sadly, I could not have been born heterosexual. My life would have been a lot less complicated.

We were mostly quiet, on our way home. Jin drove in silence, sometimes throwing me worried looks, as if he was expecting me to throw up every time he turned left or right. He tried to drive slow and gently. I wanted to punch him.

“Promise me to rest, when we get home, okay?” he said after a while, when we were almost at my apartment. “I know you hate being sick more than anything else, because you feel like you’re troubling everyone when you pass on work. But try to be reasonably for once, okay? Don’t kill yourself over work. Your fans will cry” he added, smiling slightly, his smile fading again when he noticed I was pointedly looking out of the window, ignoring him.

_I hate the way you’re always right_

“Your family and friends might not throw a party, either” he continued babbling, apparently pointedly ignoring my _ignorance_. “I mean, it’s not like you’re not a pain in the ass and everything, but one gets used to having you around. So yeah…” Silence again. “I would also miss to be able to hold monologues in your present. It’s quite entertaining.”

“Shut up” I groaned, and Jin chuckled, almost seeming glad that he had provoked me to snap at him.

“Well, whatever, you won’t get rid of me with the silent treatment” he teased, parking the car in front of my apartment complex. “I don’t care if you like it or not, but I’m going to take care of you right now. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

_I hate it when you lie_

Jin got out of the car, stumbling in his haste to get to my side. I had to fight the absurd urge to smile. I hated how much I adored his clumsiness.

_I hate it when you make me laugh_

“I see, and you want to take care of me” I murmured sarcastically when he opened the passenger door, looking down to me. “Aren’t you going to kill me _and_ yourself trying?”

“Don’t complain” Jin answered, exasperated, reaching out for my hand to help me up. “You chose me yourself, after all.”

I did not take his hand, instead staring at it, suddenly feeling my throat tightening. _Liar_. Stupid, selfish liar.

“And how do you want to take care of me” I said quietly, still staring at his hand, my voice unsteady. “when you are in America?”  
Jin’s eyes went wide, and he stared at me in silence, obviously too shocked to return anything. I did not look at him as I pushed him aside, getting out of the car myself. I could feel his stares still on me, but I did not manage to look up at him once more – I could already feel the tears at the back of my eyes, and I would not give in to them in front of him.

I left, taking the stairs up to my apartment myself. Jin did not follow me. It wasn’t until I was in my flat, plopping down onto my bed, that the tears started to flow down my face.

_even worse when you make me cry_

All the emotions I had been holding since this morning came rushing down on me, and I buried my face in my pillow, trying to stifle my sobs. I remembered how I had woken up this morning, alone in bed. It was something unusual, because Jin normally was close to dead when he slept. There was no way he would wake up before I did, the less before the alarm went off, and I had surely not missed it.

It was then, that I had heard his voice from the living room, on the phone.

“No, I’ve not told them yet” he had murmured, and I had frowned, straining my ears to hear him better. “Give me some time, okay? I’m waiting for the right moment… You’re funny, what do you want me to do? ‘Hey guys, before we start with those magazine interviews, I just wanted to tell you I got offered to go to America. I’m leaving next month. My bad.’ That’s not how it works, okay?! I need to be sensitive about it, find the right moment… I mean, I’m gonna tell my best friends that their band will be one member short from now on! You don’t do that between magazine interviews and rehearsals!”

I had frozen, stared into space as Jin’s words sank in. Jin had been talking on, but I had not listened anymore.

When he had hung up, I had quickly closed my eyes, pretending to be still asleep. Jin had crawled back into bed, staring at me for a good 20 minutes. I concentrated hard to not make any movement, to breathe evenly, to not alert him that I was actually awake. Which had been hard, with all these thoughts in my head, and with the knowledge that he was leaving. That he was leaving, and had not even bothered to discuss it with me yet.

I had been relieved, when the alarm had gone off. Jin had acted as if nothing had happened. I had disappeared into the shower, trying to get a grip of myself.

Well, look how well that worked out, I thought as I rolled onto my side, to be able to breathe through my sobs.

Didn’t Jin even care what became of us?! Could he really leave that easily, leave the band behind, and me?! I thought we had been happy together! And now, he just took off, just like that, without even telling me about it before it was too late?!  
I hated him. But mostly, I hated myself at this very moment for wanting Jin to be here with me, to hold me through my tears.

_I hate it when you’re not around_

Jin did not come after me, even though I waited for him to. I lay in bed for a whole hour, listening for anything, for a vibration from my phone, for a knock on the door – nothing. He had not even bothered to give me back my car keys.

Did he really not care at all? Was I the only one, lying in bed and crying over him?

_and the fact that you didn’t call_

It wasn’t until my headache became that bad from the crying that I could not think straight anymore, that I moved up from my bed to go hunting for painkillers. Only to find out that Jin had emptied all of them over his stupid cold last week.

“Why me? Why today?” I whispered feebly, leaning down to wash my face in the sink before looking up in the mirror.

I looked terrible – red, puffy eyes, a huge bandage around my forehead, tugging my hair down with it, the way the water drops fell from the pale skin of my face… Well, that was as good as I would get. Fact was, I needed to go out to buy pain killers.

So I got back into my jacket and shoes, grabbing my keys and reaching for the door. Maybe it was better that Jin still had my car keys. At least then, I wouldn’t cause an accident in my state. Now that would be a headline: “JE Idol Kamenashi Kazuya killing dozens of people in a mass carambolage because his boyfriend abandons him for the opportunity to bang American Models!” It wasn’t until I opened the door to step outside that my train of thoughts broke, and I froze, staring at Jin, sitting on the foot of the stairs in front of my door, my car keys and a package of Ibuprofen in his hands.

When he looked up at me, I could see fear in his eyes. It clawed on my insides like an angry beast.

“Are you breaking up with me now?” Jin asked quietly, seeming as miserable as I felt. If I had had the energy, I would have thrown something at him and screamed. Stupid music station.  
“

Do you really think _we_ , of all people, could make a long distance relationship work?” I demanded, my voice shaking slightly. “We have problems making it work when we see each other every day! We fight at least once a month as it is, we rarely see each other outside work because we are so busy… How do you imagine that we manage it when you are in America?! What are you thinking?!”

“I don’t want it to end” Jin murmured quietly, standing up, crossing the distance to me. His voice, his expression, his posture – everything was a silent plead to me. “America has always been my dream, you know that, and I want it badly. I don’t want to turn down such a chance. But I don’t want to lose you, either. Is it impossible to have both?”

“You are so egoistic!” I got out, choking at the lump in my throat, caused by the tears that were welling up in my eyes again. “I hate you, you know that?!”

_But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you_

“No, you don’t” Jin whispered, and then he reached out to me, pulling me against him. I tried to struggle against him, but my headache was numbing both my brain and my body, and Jin’s hold on me was too tight. “Please, Kazuya” he whispered, kissing the top of my head tenderly. It made me want to hit him. “Don’t let it all end like this, okay?!”

I was going to snap something at him, but my response was muffled by his lips on mine. It was my breaking point.

_not even close_

Before I knew it I was crying again, not being able to get a grip of myself. I pushed at him, screamed angry half sentences, but Jin just held me close, not rendering. Until I knew nothing anymore.

***

When I woke up again, I was lying in bed, wrapped up in a few blankets. My headache was still there, thumping softly against my temple, but it was not as bad anymore.

I felt Jin’s warmth from his position next to me. The sound of his breath. His smell. It made my heart clench, and I wanted to hit him.

I must have made some noise, because Jin asked then: “Kame? Are you awake?”

For a moment, I considered not moving and pretending that I still was, but then I realized that he would not move from his point next to me even if I did. He could be as stubborn as me, when it came down to it.

So in the end, I finally opened my eyes, looking up at Jin. I had to blink a few times, before the blurriness disappeared and I could focus on his face.

He looked tired, and pained. His eyes were glued to my face, taking in my expression.

“How are you feeling?” he asked finally, his voice rough.

“Brilliant” I murmured, sharp and sarcastic. “Never felt better.”

“Kazu” he sighed. “Please-“

“Don’t you ‘Kazu’ me” I groaned, rolling onto my back. “You’ve ‘Kazu’ed me enough for a life time! No more ‘Kazu’ing!”

“Don’t be like this” he whispered. “Don’t make it so hard on me!”

“Why? Because you’re making it so _easy_ on me?!” I scoffed.

“I’m sorry” he said finally, making me clasp my mouth shut. “I’m sorry you had to hear it like this. I meant to tell you differently.”

There was a pause, and when Jin noticed that I did not answer, he continued: “I meant to tell you first, before I told the others. And that was what made it so hard. I wanted to find the right moment.”

“The right moment to tell me that you are leaving me?” I asked, my voice sounding lifeless even to myself. “Is there such a moment?”

“I’m not leaving you” he said indignantly, reaching out to take my hand, which rested at my side. He squeezed almost painfully in his desperation. “Just because I’m leaving the country for a while to follow my dreams, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you!”

I didn’t answer, fighting against the lump in my throat, and Jin moved closer hesitantly, until his chest was pressed against my side, his arm around my waist, holding me close.

“I love you, Kazuya” he said earnestly. “And I want to be with you. I want to make it through that, okay?”

I let out a shaky breath, closing my eyes again, searching for something, a feisty remark I could give, because it _couldn’t_ work, how would it work?!, and-

But Jin was faster than me, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine again. I did not move, unresponsive at first, but he held me close, moving his lips against mine softly, urging me to open up to him. When I wanted to snap at him to stop touching me like this, he took the opportunity to drive his hand into my hair, holding my face close to him as he slipped his tongue into my mouth, teasing mine with gentle strokes.

And before I knew it, I was kissing him back.

_not even a little bit_

It was almost unfair, the way I was helpless under his touch. He kissed down my cheek, jaw, neck, along my collarbone…

His touch was warm, as warm as his body wrapped around me. It was too comforting. I wished he wouldn’t make me feel like this.

His touch was gentle. The way he softly urged me up so he could remove my T-Shirt from my skin, kissing down my chest. I had to gulp against the tightness in my throat as he dipped his tongue into my belly button. It just felt _too good_.

I did not resist as he removed my pants and underwear, wrapping his hand around me. I could not stop the moans that rolled from my throat, betraying me.

“We’re gonna make it, okay?” Jin whispered through the passion clouding my brain, as if setting a curse on me. “I’m not gonna leave you, Kazuya.”

I was unable to respond, way too distracted by the way his hands seemed to be everywhere at once – stroking my hardness, roaming the skin of my chest, my arms, my thighs… Damn, how many hands did he have, exactly?!

And then I could not think about anything, anymore, just losing myself in his touch as he slipped a lubricated finger (when he did he manage to do that?!) into me, opening me up, stroking my insides, still so unbelievably tender that it made me want to scream.

“I love you, Kazu” he whispered into my ear, and his breath hitting my skin made me shudder. “And I know you love me, too. You can’t hate me. And that’s why we can make this work, okay? Because we love each other. We belong together.”

I could only moan something incoherent, something between “Jin” and “Hate” and “Fuck”, but it drowned into a whimper when he found my prostrate, fingering it purposefully, making me a mumbling bundle of nerves.

I had not noticed when he had undressed himself, but as soon as he removed his fingers from me, he was thrusting inside of me again, leaving me no time to breath.

“I love you” he whispered, lingering above me, kissing my forehead, holding me close. I felt surrounded by him, as if in some cage I could not escape from even if I wanted to. But instead of the cold poles of a cage, all I felt was Jin’s warm skin and his soft hair and his scent. And his sweet whispers.

Jin moved inside of me, and I felt like the room was lacking air. Everything around me disappeared but Jin – America disappeared, the world disappeared, every distance, every contract. Just him and me and _us_ and this feeling.

We came at the exact same moment. I could tell, through my clouded mind, from the way he stiffened when I grabbed him tighter through the feeling, from the way he moaned my name into my ear, and from the way he reached for my hand, grasping it, holding onto me as we both tried to calm down our breathing.

“Got it?” Jin asked, his voice rough when he had finally regained his ability to speak. “We’re gonna make it, idiot.”

Instead of answering, I buried my face in his neck, closing my eyes, trying not to think. Strange things might come out if I thought or spoke, things like time differences or phone bills or lonely hotel rooms on tours without him, so I let it be. Jin held me so tightly, that for once, I felt like I could let him take the lead, something I had always found hard to do. But he seemed to have thought more about this than me.

“I love you” he repeated, for what felt like the thousandth time tonight, and this time, I could not help but respond in kind.

_not even at all_

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://vflmaeuschen.blog.com/2012/01/14/one-shot-10-things-i-hate-about-you/


End file.
